Also, update on the 29 Day Challenge

I'm on Day 15, I think, of the 29-day gift-giving challenge. It's going well. Like drinking one very refreshing glass of water a day. Even though you need six to eight. But at least drinking one makes you feel like you're closer to that goal.

Some gifts have been tiny. Some medium. I don't know about large, that depends on other's reactions. One day I decorated our paper-tree in the classroom with paper-lights that the kids water-colored. I wanted to complete this project before my co-worker returned from her Florida vacation as a sort of "Surprise! You don't have to do it!" kind of gift. But then as I stapled silver, gold and green curling ribbon to the tattered paper branches, I realized that the tree looked less Christmas-y and more...birthday-like. Definitely more pinata than yule. So...I won't be surprised if my co-worker re-decorates said tree with popcorn and snowflakes. But right now, I love my non-traditional winter birthday tree, because afterall, Jesus probably liked pinatas. He likes the minorities.

Today I donated a couple buckaroos to the "This American Life" podcast to help pay for the bandwidth that keeps me occupied in my non-cable state. I've learned so much from you Ira Glass. Thank you.

One of my favorite gifts so far, as inpired by guerrilla warfare and flashmobs: I had a meeting at a coffee-shop and after the meeting was done, I taped a thank-you note to the table. For some "I don't know whoever sits here next" to discover. The note said, "You did good today. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise."

Giving is about listening, and about changing the direction of your energy and focus. And it doesn't take much to give you a giggle.

Gotta find a ski-run

I have been having several dreams about my upcoming photo session. Including last night's, in which I showed up at the location and it was built on top of a ski run, only no snow, just lights, and a cardboard cut-out of a body with the face missing. It was nighttime. All I had to do, to my relief, was strike a pose in said cardboard cut-out and make pouty-lips. And still the director was screaming at me, accusing me of not being a giving and generous ensemble member. There were two other models. One was blond. Despite the pressure, I took the best pictures of my life.

Hmm...What does this mean? Please to interpret.

Exciting things scheduled for December

I am very excited because I have scheduled a headshot session for December 19th!

It's time for some new ones...I like my old ones, but I fear I might appear more conservative than I actually am, and the goal for photos is to have them reflect me as directly as possible.

I'm also excited because my friends Cole Simon and John Klein are going to take them. They are developing a headshot business to support their company, Glass City Films. John did a headshot session with Cole last week that looked amazing (kind of helps when you're a cinematographer and a director - they know their lighting and composition!), so I contacted them about doing a session with me. And it's a go! December 19th, in the wintery noon light. My only fear is that it might be really cold outside while we shoot!

I'm also bringing my friend Jen Brown on board - she is an amazing make-up artist that I worked with at The Metro. She will be in charge of making me photo-ready. This is her website with her gorgeous work: jenbrownmakeup.com.

Another possible opportunity: my friend Sean (director of The Fantasticks) is proposing a devised piece for Collaboraction's Sketchbook series. I will keep the details under wraps, but I hope the proposal goes through so that we can create a stunning performance event for the late spring. Kiana Harris is coming on board as collaborator as well! Let's cross our fingers and spit a couple of times so that this project will come through! (As in - any superstitious or physical action that will bring us good luck!)

I think what makes me happiest today is that I have such amazing and creative friends. Make-up artists, directors, choreographers, photographers; sometimes I can't believe that I know these people! It makes me happy to introduce people to each other and bring artists together; whether or not all the projects go through is up in the air, but these are connections that will keep us working for life! This is a business where it's a joy to work with friends. I told Sean this morning that I think it's our ability to be honest with each other, to tell each other our opinions and reactions without fear of judgment that makes the art good and watchable as opposed to pretentious or insufferable. Building honest creative partnerships are tricky waters to navigate, but well worth it. Let's hope that this coming year reflects our efforts!

Diane Savino, NY State Senator

Don't press play unless you're willing to listen to all seven minutes of it.

Favorite Quote Teaser:

"That's what we've done to marriage in America, where young women are socialized from the time they're five years old to think of being nothing but a bride. They plan every day what they'll wear, how they'll look, the invitations, the whole bit, they don't spend five minutes thinking about what it means to be a wife. People stand up there before god and man even in Senator Diaz's church, they swear to love honor and obey, they don't mean a word of it. So if there's anything wrong with the sanctity of marriage in America, it comes from those of us who have the privilege and the right and have abused it for decades."

29 Gifts for Thanksgiving

Okay, so this is my Thanksgiving potpourri blog, as in several things have happened over the past few days and I am going to attempt to mish them into a mashed-up blog of Thanksgiving-ness.

So last night I spent a few fantastic hours at my friend Laura's house, chatting and playing with bunnies and pouring over gorgeous wedding pictures. I love spending time with Laura; we first met at the Dell Arte Physical Theatre workshop that I attended during the summer of 2005. She is an amazing woman, a stunning actress, and a great friend. Laura is also the one who introduced me to the wonderful world of bunnies, which eventually blossomed into my current personal zoo. (Laura also writes a great blog: "Letters to Aaron Sorkin". I recommend!)

Laura and I were talking about the contradictory excitement/anxiety of waiting for audition calls. This is a big part of my day - balancing my day job with audition planning. It's stressful not knowing exactly what my schedule is going to be for the week. So how to deal with the stress? I went home thinking about this, and woke up thinking about it, and when I was thumbing through my latest issue of Yoga Journal, I remembered an article about the 29-Day Giving Challenge: http://givingchallenge.ning.com/ . Basically, a woman named Cami Walker started a movement: give one thing away each day for 29 days. Now people in 38 different countries are a part of this movement, signing up for their own 29-day challenges.

I will make my confession that I can be bratty and whiny at the end of my day (oh the horror!). I work three jobs, I take care of children, I feel like I give so much for so little return and it makes me tired. When I was thinking about it over coffee this morning, I realized that I feel the "Obligation Effect". My acts of "giving" every day feel like a job. I don't approach it with excitement, joy, or gratefulness. So at the end of the day, my attitude towards the world is, "You owe me a return. Where's my present?" (Granted, I often give myself a return in the form of ice cream).

So I would like to redirect this energy. In order to deter the anxiety that comes from "Not knowing what's next", in order to generate some energy and shift my focus away from feeling like the world owes me something, I am going to commit to the 29 Gifts challenge. I've already signed up, meaning that this is day one! I'm a little nervous and little baffled, but I think surprising things might happen.

I recommend looking at the website and thinking about participating; it's the holidays, which can be a very stressful and materialistic time. I think this is a great way to rejuvenate our spirits and prepare for the new year. If you are interested, please let me know that you're doing it too! I like company.

So to return to my Thanksgiving festivities, yesterday I saw two lovely ladies. I went to the gym and did some low-impact (um, it's still vacation!) cardio, and had lunch with Brenda. Then I had a lovely evening visit with Laura, her bunnies and her husband Zach. Both of these ladies are inspirations in my life for their work ethic, their creativity, and their huge hearts and generosity. I am grateful for my time with you Ladies!!

Today I had lunch with my old friend Ian (see picture above). We've known each other since the seventh grade and have kept in touch via the interweb, but unfortunately we haven't seen each other in eight years!! He's gotten married since I last saw him! So today, Ian and his lovely wife Melissa picked me up and we gabbed over deli sandwiches at Jerry's Deli. I am thankful for the chance to catch up with Ian and to get to know how fantastic Melissa is!

Coming home to Los Angeles is a strange phenomena: I don't have a house here anymore, there's no closet with my clothes in it, yet everywhere I turn I see memories, I see my childhood, and I see my college years. It's home, but it's no longer. Now, what is home in Los Angeles are my family, and the friends who ground me and remind me of what is wonderful in life. This year I am thankful for the time that my family and friends spend with me. Every time I am here, I learn, and I am happy.

Tanya's Favorite Things

Like Oprah Winfrey, I am going to give away my favorite things. Because they are free! I give them away with aplomb!!

Actually, what I'm going to do is post links to my favorite podcasts. I heart them enough to share them.

Radio Lab: It's like "This American Life" except for science. I warn you it's addictive.

http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/

Oh, and if you don't follow "This American Life":

http://www.thislife.org/

Also, Robert Ullrey does a great 5K training podcast for lemmings like me:

http://www.ullreys.com/robert/Podcasts/

And for Yoga, my current three favorites are Jason Crandell, Faith Hunter, and Elsie Escobar.

Jason (30 minute sessions tailored to specific muscle groups):
http://www.yogajournal.com/podcast/

Faith:
http://www.faithhunter.com/

Elsie:
http://elsieyogakula.wordpress.com/

You can also enter any of these names into the iTunes Store "Search" and they will pop up. These are podcasts I download on a weekly basis. The radio shows have really filled my life since I gave up cable, and have made cleaning my house much more enjoyable. The fitness podcasts have been a huge help since yoga classes and gym memberships are too expensive, plus it's like having a professional trainer come into your home.

Next blog: My Thanksgiving Reflections special! L.A. style...

I like this. Most of it.

You see, I want a lot.
Perhaps I want everything
the darkness that comes with every infinite fall
and the shivering blaze of every step up.

So many live on and want nothing
and are raised to the rank of prince
by the slippery ease of their light judgments.

But what you love to see are faces
that do work and feel thirst.
You love most of all those who need you
as they need a crowbar or a hoe.
You have not grown old, and it is not too late
to dive into your increasing depths
where life calmly gives out its own secret.

- Rainer Maria Rilke
Das Studenbuch (The Book of Hours)

At Thanksgiving, I karate-chop my father.

Spencer drinks out of the toilet bowl.

Thanh - "Stop drinking out of the toilet bowl. People are going to think we don't teach you manners."

Also -

Me: You're so lucky I'm funny. What would you do if I wasn't funny?

Thanh: Then I would have to be the funny one.

Me: Yeah. And you're already under so much pressure at work.

Also - Yesterday I registered at the Welles Park fitness center! So excited to use a treadmill now that the weather is turning. I discovered that I can run longer on the treadmill because it's easier on my knees, which means that I can progress to the "Week 5: from Couch to 5K" training podcast that I follow. I'm very excited about this.

And - today Thanh and I walked around Andersonville, this being my second day off! We shopped for an early Christmas present (black scarf to replace one I just lost, plus some very cute fingerless gloves that convert to mittens). We ate at Urban Belly - which we weren't very impressed with in the end. It's basically a "fusion" Asian restaurant in which Americans get very excited about the novelty of Korean soup. So...I can do ramen and beef and kimchi at home. Although I admit, their squash dumplings were delicious.

Then we headed home so that I could install 2 gigs of RAM into my laptop. I got a small Phillips-head screwdriver from CVS Pharmacy, but unfortunately, it was too small to turn the too-tight screws on the Computer-Butt (that's what I call the underneath of the computer). I was as angry as McBrides get when they can't have something done right away, until we remembered that there is a Radio Shack literally around the corner from my house. After popping in to buy a electronics-repair kit with five choices of rubber-gripped screwdrivers (for seven bucks!), we successfully installed the RAM! I turned on the laptop and TA-DAH! Booted in less than a minute. I can run more than two programs at once. CRAZY TALK.

At the Radio Shack I also managed to get a good, inexpensive pair of ear-phones, seeing as I've broken....four pairs now? To be fair, three of them were Apple headphones and those are ridiculously fragile. My new Skull Candy earphones wrap around my ears so they won't fall outwhen I'm running or doing yoga. Also, (am I alone on this?), but I don't like headphones that block out peripheral noise. It makes me feel nervous, I want to be able to hear someone coming up behind me or calling my name. So I nix earbuds and prefer those that rest in the outer channel of my aurifices.

After we fixed the computer, Thanh got inspired, ran back to Radio Shack (Employee: "Man, you guys live close.") and got a wireless router. Previously Comcast had told us that we had to install a Comcast router only, and that installation cost 150 bucks. But we refused to believe this illegal poppycock, and now we have a lovely router hooked up so that we can use the laptop in the den and the bedroom.

It's been a good day...too good...I don't trust it....

Let-down

Today at 3:05 PM I began my first three-day weekend I have had since the summertime. And the first day off in two months.

A couple of things are in effect right now - first is post-show let-down. Post-show let-down: that period of time after a show ends when one is left relieved, exhausted, and a little bit confused on Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings. I personally love this period of time. It's so quiet in contrast, and I love quiet. However, performers often get sick during this time, as if our bodies were steeling itself for ten weeks and then BOOM! every virus and bug being held behind the barriers are released into the bloodstream. True to form, last Saturday I began to feel a tickle in my throat, and now I have a head cold that's holding on for dear life. I hope that this weekend I can shake it. I don't want to bring a cold home for Thanksgiving (but don't worry! I won't be bringing home the swine!!)

I worked a sold-out show last night at The Metro, came home around 1 AM and collapsed into bed, woke up with a migraine on top of the cold, pushed through work, then drove home as fast as I could, popped a migraine med and some cough medicine and knocked out for four hours. I woke up in a daze and stared at the ceiling for a half-hour. Very confused. I'm still confused, and I think it's more than the side-effects of the pharmaceuticals. I think I'm confused because I have nothing scheduled for three days. There's no structure. No demands. I have no idea which room in the house to stand in, and so I've been wandering around like an idiot. I'm already starting to feel guilty for not doing anything, and I haven't even not done anything yet.

Well, here's one thing I can hopefully look into tomorrow. I've been dreading the coming of winter because it means running outside is nixed. Which means I need to run inside. But I cannot afford a gym membership (and after being spoiled by the free and amazing Ohio State gym, I refuse to shell out hundreds of dollars for what I'm sure I can find for a paltry sum and) YES! Welles Park Community Center has a really nice fitness room that I can use for five dollars a visit. BONUS! It's right across the street from my library. I can return my books, and then do some cardio.

By the way - the money I've saved this year by using the library is obscene. Which I am thankful for because as of a month ago I no longer work my third job at Coobah. Winter season means slow restaurant business means no need for a hostess, and so I was let go. Which reminds me, it's almost time to do my Thanksgiving blessings blog, but I will end this entry with a list that my pre-schoolers generated today. There are seven blessings, and they are:

1. The robot I got for my birthday.
2. Daddies
3. Mommies
4. God and heaven (totally unprompted).
5. The park.
6. Cousins (especially ones that come to birthday parties)
7. Being tucked into bed at night by mommies.

Masked!!

A few pictures from the last night of The Fantasticks! Our dear friend and cast-mate Bill Raffel threw a wonderful party and gave us beautiful masks as a parting gift. We were floored by his generosity. From top: the cast of The Fantasticks in our dressing room, Thanh and I, and me and my gorgeous mask!

Post-Apocalypse

Yesterday I drove to an car stereo/alarm place and they ripped the brains out of my alarm system. I now have a new Christmas ornament with pretty green and red wires dangling from it.

This sets off my temper.

My car alarm goes off when I unlock my car. It goes off when I start my car. It continues to go off while I drive down the street, humiliated. It goes off when I turn off the engine. It goes off when I lock the doors.

The quiet residential street of Leland Ave. heard a mouthful tonight as I screamed obscenities into the darkness. And tomorrow, instead of sleeping, I will be driving to an alarm shop to fix the goddamn thing, and maybe I'll ask them for a frontal lobotomy while they're at it.

November Sludge

I find that this month is one of the more difficult of the year.

Some very physical changes happen: the time shifts thereby having the sun set at 4:45 PM, and the temperature drops so that a sunny day with a high in the 50's - well damn, that's like summertime in the fall.

It's also the time when you're soooo close to vacation - everybody at work is just a little more wired and the kids are starting to do the three-month burn-out.

I'm starting to feel it. The Fantasticks closes this weekend. I'm sad about this, but it has been a long run and my body is perpetually sore. My next full day off is....Saturday the 21st.

On the upside, I'm revisiting my favorite childhood books - the Anne of Green Gables series. They have not lost their charm; they still make me want to hop a plane to Nova Scotia and go exploring, and make me wonder why I wasn't a fresh-faced youth in 1908. The clothing of that era becomes me.

One of my best friends, Jimena, was in town last week for a conference. We were able to get some dinner, and work out in the gym at the W Hotel. Nothing like a treadmill with a view of Lake Michigan and Navy Pier! I'm so glad I got to see her and have lots of "girl talk" while raising our endorphin levels.

Thanh and I have caught up to the latest episode of "Dexter". This show is not to be missed. I heart Michael C. Hall.

Yesterday I got the H1N1 shot - whoo-hoo! Totally by accident, as well. I was at my allergist getting my weekly trio of shots, and as I was paying my bill, a woman came in and requested the swine shield. Apparently the office had just received them that very day. Seeing as I have asthma, I qualified. I'm quite glad - what with holiday travels, I was a little worried about exposure to the virus, and with my asthma, well, I had nightmares of ending up in the hospital again. I don't need to do that anytime soon.

Today we had the annual Bowl-a-thon at the school. It's the most stressful day of the school-year for me, and if you wonder why, well, think about taking one 3-year old bowling, and then multiply that by 16. By the time they get back to school, they are WIRED. It's a lot of stimulation for a tiny little body.

Tomorrow I have an intimidating audition - I'm avoiding preparation as we speak.

All in all - when I came home and took a nap today, I had a dreadful nightmare that I was cast at a very important theater and had missed my entire first day of work. I woke up sweating, and with a pounding heart, I donned some shoes and sweater and went across the street to drown my nerves in some Thai food. It kind of worked.

Compartmentalize

Compartmentalize: to divide up into categories or components.

What I am bad at: compartmentalizing.

Why: I see the whole task as a huge mountain that must be moved and am immediately overwhelmed by the extreme need to take a nap.

The truth: I'm great at detail-oriented work, it just takes about four hours of freaking out and procrastinating before I can let go of my fears and break a task up into little task-ettes.

And so: I am writing this blog instead of reading a script because I am afraid that I am going to love the script and either a) not be cast, or 2) I'll be cast, but will be unable to work out the schedule and do the project.

Maybe my next blog will be about letting go of expectations. And being okay with accepting situations which won't be resolved in the immediate future, as in, tomorrow. And remembering that my job is fun.

Okay, now I'll read the script.

Goals (might as well publish them)

Goals for the next...six to eight months. Might as well publish them, thereby nudging them into reality.

1. New headshots.

2. Take an on-camera class.

3. Purchase a MacBook.

4. Turn 30. (an inevitable goal, but still a goal)

5. Create my website.

6. Finally put those vacation photos into an album.

7. Purchase photo album.


That's enough for now.

Kind of joyful. Matinees.

This blog is about matinees.

Not like at the movies when you get a discount, but the 2:30 PM performances when, well, sometimes you get a discount.

Matinees are challenging for a variety of reasons. Especially if you're not a morning person. And, if you've done an 8PM show the night before, then you're definitely not a morning person. It's like going into the office early, that feeling of "Wasn't I just here? Did I really go home and sleep?" Only you can't hide in your coffee cup, or surf Facebook for an hour hoping your boss won't swing by your cubicle. It's not like at the pre-school, where you have to be alert fairly early in the morning, but at least you can distract the kids with a new toy and hope you won't have to make a bathroom-run anytime soon. Nope. You've gotta rev it up, and energize an entire audience of people who also might not be morning people. Or early afternoon people. Answering to fifty-plus people on a Sunday afternoon is a little bit like facing an oncoming cement-truck. It's slow. You might be able to get out of the way. But if you don't, it's going to be really heavy, and it's going to hurt.

We walk into the dressing-room kind of hunched over, our eyes at half-mast. There's a lot of mumbling. It's hard to be polite. But we have techniques: I make sure I have my coffee, and I pour a packet of Emergen-C into my bottled water. Also, yoga once I get to the theatre. And it helps when the stage manager pumps Jennifer Hudson over the speakers.

And then it's the opening number: the lights dim to a midnight blue and I'm kneeling and facing upstage, my friends open their mouths and I'm hit by a wall of gorgeous sound and then I think, "How many people are lucky enough to be surrounded by beautiful music and lights and pretty colors and laughter on a Sunday afternoon?" Not the majority. Matinees can be joyful things. I felt lucky today, and then I forgot about pleasing the audience and I played, merely hoping that the audience felt lucky too.

Up Next: punkplay

Talk about a complete 180. From "The Fantasticks" to "punkplay" in one season. I'm so excited to be a part of this upcoming project produced by The Pavement Group at the Steppenwolf Garage Theatre. It's a great script; I'm going to play a twisted, yet visionary 15-year old (Asian girl) in the Reagan-era. Oh, and there's something about a bikini and a Ronald Reagan mask. And rollerskates. !! "punkplay" runs from February to April of 2010.

I had a great time auditioning for this show. Auditions are sometimes nerve-wrecking experiences, but the Pavement Group members were fantastic and I look forward to working with them. Also - the character description was "bad skin, wears too much make-up, greasy, yet deeply sexy." I love auditions where I can just slop on some eyeliner and not wash my hair. I did shower though.

Here's some brief info about the project. Happy Sunday!

http://www.pavementgroup.org/?page_id=27

http://www.steppenwolf.org/boxoffice/theatres/garage.aspx

Iced Black-Eyes

I'm drinking an iced black-eye right now.

What is this? It's an iced coffee with two shots of expresso. Yumm-O. Why WHY do I need this? I've worked my ass off this week, and was finally able to sleep for nine hours last night, then had to get up early to prep for an audition this morning, so after the audition, when I felt the head-ache creeping on, I doused myself in yoga and caffeine. The yin and the yang.

I laugh whenever I'm at work and somebody says, "Thank god it's Friday." Being a performer means that I don't get weekends off. After a week of teaching during the day, running to auditions, night-shifts at the bar and the restaurant, my Friday night is blissful not because it's party-time, but because it's sleep-time. Sleep to rest up, to get ready for three shows, to get ready for more auditions, and maybe I can eek in some time to clean the bathroom (last night I replaced my shower liners and it gave me untold joy.)

I was dead to the world by 11PM last night, and was up at 9 AM to prep for an audition with a tricky, text-heavy script. Sometimes it only takes me a half-hour to look over the script and prep, but this script deserved an hour and a half. By 11:45AM I was out of the house, to audition at 12:45. To spend five minutes showing complete strangers what I worked on all morning. It payed off, and I have a call-back next Saturday.

I feel lucky this morning, because this city has so many strong theatre companies made up of amazingly creative and interesting people. I love working hard when it means that my skills are challenged and I'm putting my energy toward unique stories on the stage. This morning the director looked over my resume and said, "Wow. You've worked your ass off." This city has given me the opportunity to work my ass off, with each experience being completely different. Not every experience is equally rewarding, and there are pitfalls, but overall I appreciate this community which allows me to keep on chugging.

On a side-note, my cat with two eyes (Spencer) has a chronic eye-disease. My cat with one eye (Maevie) is perfectly healthy. There is a pox upon cat eyes in my house. God doesn't want my cats to see.

Fantastick Update

Yay! Hard work in a role that is so often unacknowledged, so thank you Chicago Trib for acknowledging! Here's a pic from the production (I'm in the back, scattering petals), and a picture of me with Don Sprague, Operations Manager of Porchlight Music Theatre (yes, I am wearing a shirt with a duck on it, but I didn't know pictures were going to be taken that day. I was in my warm-up clothes!). This pic is from Broadwayworld.com. http://broadwayworld.com/printcolumn.cfm?id=69746.

Here is a link to the review: http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/stage/chi-0915-fantasticks-porchlight-sep16,0,5930713.column.

Now, back to work!

I have a fifteen-pound cat.

Everybody knows about my personal zoo of distinctly unique animals. Especially my cats. Maevie, the little one-eyed princess, is currently asleep on a bright pink velour hoodie on my closet floor. She took up house in the closet when Spencer moved in and took over the dining room. Spencer is my fifteen-pound ball of pain-in-the-ass. A dog stuck in a cat's body. So affectionate you trip over him as you move through the house, because he can't stand to be away from you for one minute. Right now he's asleep with his cheek against my knee. In the middle of the night I'll wake up and he'll be sleeping fetal position next to me, with his head on my arm, or he'll be sitting right above my head. He loves humans.

When Maevie moved in, I quickly figured out that I couldn't let her into the living-room when I found claw marks on the legs of my precious leather couch. Princess Maevie to the core, the regular cat-scratcher wasn't good enough for her delicate nails. This situation was easily fixed. I created a faux-gate with some wire mesh from Target. You know, the kind that you build dorm-room bookshelves with? Anyhow, she looked at the gate, looked at me, and the message was clear. Living-room off-limits. Got it boss. Even now, when I'm in my little office-enclave, if she wanders in thinking I'm not around, all it takes is one look from me and she turns tail and heads the other way.

Spencer, however, is a different story. His goal is not the leather couch, but the yummy plants in the living-room. But he's only curious about the living-room when I'm in there. Because he always needs to be in the same room with me. At first he would just shove the bottom of the gate forward until he could fit his body through. I footed the gate with a large book. The he shoved the other side open. I footed that with a heavy bookend. By that point, it was not only difficult for the cat to get in, but difficult for a human as well. Spencer then figured out how to clear the gate by leaping from the floor to the back of the couch. So I built the gate higher. No good. He would just back up and re-calculate his leap, even when I put a vacuum-cleaner in front of the gate. At first his leaps are messy, much like an amateur pole-vaulter when one raises the bar, but after a couple of tries the leaps are easy and the cat is winning Olympic medals.

One day, while doing dishes, I hear what sounds like horses galloping. Then a large clash and clang of metal against wood. Spencer the Undeterred had started at one end of the apartment, charged the length of the hallway, and slid into the gate full-force, thereby breaking it to pieces.

This house don't suffer no fools.

Now I find myself researching the purchase of AN EXTRA TALL BABY-GATE, because I have a fifteen-pound cat, who thinks it's a dog, and therefore acts like a toddler. Why do I put up with it? Because for the past half-hour he's been lying next to me, his head pressed against my leg, not moving when I move, only content to be where I am. Because when we went to the shelter, he climbed into my messenger bag head-first and just stayed there, upside-down. Because in the middle of the night he'll step across my throat and nearly asphyxiate me, but only because he wants to lay next to me. He's like Lenny in Of Mice and Men. An extra-large, oafish cat who destroys things, but only because of his inability to control his love.

P.S. He also likes to sneak up on Maevie when she's in the litter box. I don't think that's out of love.

Flying by the seat of my pants.

So I had a bizarre Saturday.

Yesterday my friend Emjoy called me and left me a message saying that Porchlight Music Theatre was doing a last-minute casting call; they needed one female dancer for "The Fantasticks" and she thought that I should submit. I had seen the audition notice and not done anything about it; I haven't done a musical in 9 years so I generally skim over them when I look at casting calls. However, Emjoy seemed to think that I was perfect for it, so I sucked it up and sent in my rezzie.

This morning I awoke to a phone call at 9:30 - the producer was calling to see if I could come in at 4PM for an audition. Unfortunately I had to work, so he asked if I could come in at 10:30 instead. AM. As in, forty minutes from the time of the call.

I've never done an audition that last-minute before - but I got on down there, danced for them, and a half-hour later they offered me the role and asked if I could attend the first rehearsal at 12PM. Um. Okay.

So within two and half hours of waking up on a groggy Saturday morning, I auditioned, was cast, and was at a rehearsal for a show. It was crazy, and it shows how fast things can happen in this business sometimes. Needless to say, I'm grateful for the opportunity - it's a good musical. I play the role of "The Mute" - and I realize by writing this that I'm opening myself up to a myriad of jokes from my brother. "The Mute" is silent throughout the entire show. Hallelujer. I get to really use my dance and movement training, which I haven't had the opportunity to do for a while.

So yes, I will be performing in a musical, without uttering a sound. This autumn. It should be great.

And thanks, Emjoy! It wouldn't have happened without you.

Here's a link to the Porchlight's website with info about the show -
http://www.porchlighttheatre.com/

Man, she is writing so much this week!

I know - but I can't help it, I slept till 1 PM today and now it's 11:13PM and I don't want to say good-bye to this day.

Why did I sleep till 1 PM? Cause I could. Also, I went running yesterday and it about sacked my ability to walk today. My legs feel like dried play-doh filled with more dried play-doh. Only different colors. Like my legs are yellow on the outside, but if you detach them from my body and look on the inside, they're mauve. I could make a racially-motivated joke right now, but I'm too tired.

Anyhow, remember the blog about the plant babies? I'm gonna tell you MORE about the plant babies. But quickly, before the laptop runs out of batteries.

Long story short - my herbs are doing well. Well, the sage has died, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's being re-incarnated to a better life as basil. Cause my basil is kickin ass and takin' names!

Also, my marigolds never made it past the seedling stage. And the cosmos were doing well, only a massive storm passed over and flooded the soil right out of the pot. I thought those suckers were goners. They were goners, AND they were suckers. But I was sitting on my back porch yestermorn', meditating, and lo and behold - they had capitalized upon the three inches of soil left in the pot, twisted their way to the sun, and (GASP!) are those buds I see?

Yup. So in a couple weeks I may have some renegade, can't take me down, blooming cosmos. They won't be arranged so well, but they made it. And I'm proud of them.

But this is a little lesson with me and plants. Can't happen. And any plant that survives me, I will love them forever. Mammals, however? I'm great with my mammals. My cats are thriving. They don't even mind that their pots are low on soil. I kid. I totally fill their pots with soil after EVERY rain.

A few favorite pictures from Miami

Our trip to Miami for my friend's wedding. We stayed at the Hilton Ft. Lauderdale Beach Resort (thanks Khai, sameorcheaper.com). Wish I had just one more day there - a four-day weekend is not enough time to enjoy the beach!

Updates

I haven't written anything lately, and right now I have a lot of summer-time on my hands, so va-va-voom let's go!!

I'm in a pretty upbeat mood right now; I attribute it to my run/yoga today. I've been getting better at running, using a free 5K training podcast I got off of the iTunes store. I don't like to run, so I need a personal trainer telling me exactly what to do otherwise I'll just stop in my tracks and stare at the trees, thinking, "Why...?" Anyhow, this podcast intersperses intervals of running and walking, increasing in difficulty each week for 9 weeks. Or is it 7 weeks? Anyhow, my goal isn't to "finish" the training - it's just to get out there and run two or three times a week, and to see a noticeable improvement in my cardio. So far, so good. Also, with a training podcast I don't need to worry about time or intervals and can focus on relaxing my toes and my shoulders and my thinky-thoughts. It's nice.

I've also been doing quite a bit of yoga. This began after I got out of the hospital. My body had a "talking-to" with me and after the nurse ripped those IV's out of my arm, I was on the search for balance and health. I also made the decision to get my yoga-teacher's certification by fall of next year. Hopefully, in three years I can build a private-teaching business that will support my acting career. I love teaching in the schools, but it's sensory-overload, low-pay, and stressful. Instead I hope to return to the movement training that I specialized in at Ohio State, and to capitalize upon that. It will give me flexibility in scheduling, diversify my income source, enhance my acting-training, and keep me healthy. Anyhow, I practice at home about five days a week, from 20 minutes to an hour and a half, and when I have extra cash I catch a class at my favorite studio, Yogaview Division.

In the meantime I've taken on a third job at Coobah on Southport. I don't get paychecks from St. Matthias during the summer break, so I'm hosting part-time, soon to be serving again. It's a high-end restaurant specializing in Latin-Filipino fusion, with solid clientele and very kind manager and owner. At first I was frustrated to find myself in a restaurant again, but then one of the servers commented on how the economy has been bringing in 40-year old businessmen looking for serving jobs. So instead I choose to be grateful. I plan to keep this job during the school year, work a few nights a week and make some extra dough to throw at my credit cards.

It's nice now, however, during the summer. I work at the restaurant three nights a week and have the days to enjoy the city. Go running, do yoga, read, write fun things, clean the house. And it's nice that I don't need to scramble to get work covered when my agent calls. When I have auditions I can plan my entire days around them, since my schedule is open. So much less stressful, so much more enjoyable. Live it up while it lasts, for when September hits, I'm going to be juggling again.

Anyhow - Thanh and I had a great date-day yesterday. Went down to The Newberry Library book-sale downtown. I was soooo excited, since the Newberry is an amazing place with a great collection, however it was the last day of the sale and all the good stuff was gone. At least we found great parking though, and we took advantage of our spot to walk to Michigan Ave. for a little shopping. Then we drove to Evanston to see "500 Days of Summer". I didn't love it, despite the rave reviews. I could get into why, but then I would be spoiling it for others. I will say that the movie left me oddly morose, so as soon as Thanh and I got home he popped in "High Fidelity" to cleanse us of our sadness. Now that's a great movie! It's like an onion. It keeps on blooming.

Another summer goal: to read Anna Karenina. I just read a book called "Elegance of Hedgehog" (fantastic!) that kept on referencing Anna Karenina, so I figured it's about time to attack that Behemoth of a Book. It will happen.

Father's Day Celebrations

Happy early Father's Day!

Continuing the tradition from last year, I flew my dad up to Chicago for a nice extended weekend. He arrived Wednesday night, and so far a great time has been had.

First stop in Chicago (immediately after picking up Dad at the airport), Le's Pho for a late-night dinner, where we had pho, shaken beef, spring rolls, and my favorite, a durean shake. Mmmmm. Dad and I are big fans of durean, but Thanh is not. A detail in my building argument that Thanh is not actually Vietnamese (he also doesn't like papaya or mango, somebody explain this to me).

Thursday was low-key, seeing that I had to work til' six, but Thursday night we headed over to Thanh's place to watch the Laker Game. Why Thanh's house? Well, not only does he have a fantastic view of Lake Michigan and downtown Chicago (his condo is on the 32nd floor), but he also has cable. About six months ago I decided to cut my cable connection so that I could save 60 bucks a month. (I catch my favorites on Hulu.com) I'm not a huge fan of basketball, but the Laker game was pretty exciting. And we had some yummy meatballs with rice that Dad and I cooked up for the occasion. Lakerballs and rice, I should say.

Friday afternoon Dad accompanied me to work, where he was an honored guest during my theatre classes. The kids were introduced to "Ms. McBride's daddy", and then they promptly ignored him while they galavanted around the stage as jungle animals. I was proud of their lack of self-consciousness, and Dad enjoyed their hijiinks.

Today Thanh and I took Dad to the Lincoln Park Zoo and Conservatory, one of the lovely and fantastic free activites in Chicago. Highlights were the Orchid Room (though my favorite is the Fern Room where I can pretend to be a dinosaur), and the Regenstein Ape House where we watched one chimp kiss another chimp's ass. Scientists call it "grooming". I call it inappropriate and unnecessary. There were also some very cute swamp monkeys that were playing tag and chewing on baby toys.

Here are some photos from our activities today.






Tomorrow we are off to Chinatown for dim sum at Phoenix Rising (I call it Pho-enix Rising. As in, "Thanh? What does Pho Enix Rising mean?" Hee hee hee....). Then to Mitsuwa Marketplace for a soba dinner and a cruise around the Japanese supermarket. Yummy fishcakes.....

My Plant Babies

Though a little late in the spring, I finally had time to make my plant babies today! This is my amateur foray into gardening from the seed, hopefully to make a lovely contribution to the back-porch garden that my neighbor beautifully cultivates. Maybe one day I'll be good enough to plant a whole garden, when I have a front and/or backyard!

I bought two little greenhouses, and I planted some Cosmos and Marigolds, as well as basil, sage, and lemon-balm. I had a fresh-herb pot last summer and loved it, so I can't wait for them to seed so I can transfer them outside. Memorial Day is coming up, which in Chicago means that the winter nasties are safely over and plants can make their move to sunshine.

I'll post my plant-baby progress as the weeks come. Happy Spring!

Tires throw me

I haven't posted for a while, I've been rehearsing for "The Rivals" and we've finally opened. See reviews at www.petheatre.com. I'm backstage right now, typing this into my Blackjack while waiting for my next scene. Slap me on the hand or not being focused.

So I've been reading a lot of Buddhist writings lately, especially Pema Chodron's books and audio-recordings. She talks about "No Big Deal", how humans love to make everything a big deal and it throws us off-balance. Anyhow, I've been trying to put this into practice, especially since my daily schedule changes so often, when I pick up night shifts or get called into auditions the day before, etc. It really stresses me out; I'm a planner by nature, and I like to see my days laid out neatly ahead of me. However, I did not choose a career where "neat days" are part of the equation. S'okay. No Big Deal.

Maybe it's that I've had a whole week of spring vaca to de-sensitize me from stress, maybe it's because I was on my way to do a show, but this morning when I walked out to my car and saw my flat tire, I was definetly thrown. I hate technical problems. I hate not being able to solve technical problems on Sundays. I hate the $500 that this problem will cost me. So I just pointed at the tire, looked at Thanh, and started to cry.

Not like I didn't see this coming. I patched this same tire two months ago, and filled it with air yesterday when I noticed the pressure was significantly low. I live in a city notorious for potholes, and my tires are almost six years old. I saw this coming. But nonetheless, tears.

It's funny, how what throws me off balance is literally something that throws my car off-balance. But true to nature, when I encounter a problem that is not fixable right-awaytable, it drives me UP THE WALL. I don't mind fixing problems. I just don't like it when there are no band-aids at my disposal.

So this problem will be fixed. At 7:00 tomorrow morning. In the meantime, I'm going to hook myself up to my iPOD and have Pema Chodron remind me about how one learns the most about oneself when thrown a curveball. And how others feel this too. I'm guessing I'll meet these "others" at the auto-clinic bright and early. And I really hope I'm standing IN FRONT of them in line.

In Which I Fall Deeply in Love...

With the FOOD that is here in this city.

So far I have had a fantastic Valentine's weekend. It's Thanh's and my first Valentine's Day together, and we planned lovely things and did lovely things. But I think that this day - actually, I believe it started last night - was mostly defined by the food and the restaurants we ate at. So - a quick run-down of the fantastic finds in the over-looked corners of our adopted hometown.

Last night we went to see a play called "Beer", produced by The Neo-Futurists. "Beer" is about beer, or more specifically a musically-driven puppet show about the process of making craft beer. It was staged at The Ravenswood Brewery, a new brewery about five minutes from my apartment. We were able to sample a new lager while watching puppets sing about wort and fermentation, but the real "event" happened after wards at Gary and Bridget's apartment.

Gary and Bridget: a fantastic couple whose child I taught last year. Gary is a home brewer, so after the play we got a tour of his freezer and basement, we smelled fresh cascade hops, and then drank a fantastic glass of a lager that was nutty and caramelly and crisp, even though it has only been brewin' for about a month. A glass of home-brew, good conversation while sitting in a comfy red rocking chair, all after watching a play about beer - this is the very definition of a Friday night in Chicago.

Woke up this noon. 12 o'clock, a lovely sleep-in. Our friend Chad got us tickets to a matinee up in Skokie (northern 'burb), so Thanh and I grabbed our "Saturday-morning special" - breakfast at Mekato's Columbian Bakery. Again, five minutes from my house. At Mekato's we always order the same thing: four empenadas (two carne and two pollo), one lime-drenched chorizo, and for me, a cafe con leche and pan de coco (coconut bread). We sit in silence and watch Columbian music videos while we scarf down the food. Their pastries are perfect, not too sweet, not too dry - and their meat products are not too gamey. Their coffee is my favorite in city. And we pay the bill. $13.72.

The play at Northlight Theatre: "Po Boy Tango" - probably one of the most well-written plays I've seen in a few years, written by Taiwanese-American playwright Kenneth Lin. It's the story of a father who enlists the help of his old friend to re-create his mother's Great Banquet for his daughter's wedding. But really, it's about friendships, family, and the healing power of food. I rarely see a play these days that I completely lose myself in - I'm really critical and picky - but this one was a winner. I don't know how to say it - but when the writing is not self-conscious but universal, as well as intelligent and passionate and rooted in experience as opposed to heady flights of fancy - it's a great ride.

Afterwards we drove back into the city searching on the iPhone for oysters or Italian eateries but everything was booked up for Valentine's Day. So instead we opted for our favorite Japanese restaurant, The Sunshine Cafe. It's family-run - the decor is horrible, but grandma serves the free green tea and the seaweed salad is so so yummy. We were surrounded by locals, seasoned couples and families (two boys with medals around their necks came in with their proud parents). I had a full plate of Hamachi sashimi - supposedly an appetizer, but it was enough for an entree so I just ordered extra rice and pickled veggies on the side. Thanh had salted mackerel. My Hamachi in another restaurant would have cost 15 bucks, but at Sunshine it's just as fresh and only 9 dollars. It's very back-to-basics home-cooking at this restaurant, and I'm glad we went to one of our usual hangouts instead of trying to force the Valentine's Day stereotype with an over-priced and over-crowded bistro.

Afterwards Thanh and I walked up to Bon Bon - which is a small chocolaterie that serves samples of drinking chocolate so good I licked the styrofoam clean. I picked out four chocolates: a chocolate chili ganache, hazelnut cream, honey-saffron and some other spiced creation, and as I walked out of the store I turned to Thanh and said "Wow. You really do love me." After all, nothing says Valentine's Day like freshly-butchered yellowtail and chili-filled bonbons. I'm so filled with Omega-6's and anti-oxidants my head is spinning.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!

Roach

I watched a dying man perform tonight.

His name is Roach, he is the lead singer of a heavy metal band called The Plague.

I was working a The Metro, and I heard that there was a singer tonight, and that it was going to be his last show. He has cancer, and he is in hospice care. His wife said he most likely won't survive the week.

Roach is probably in his forties, but he looked like he was in his sixties. Hunched over, thin. I didn't know what to expect. I don't really like heavy metal, so I don't much pay attention when I work these shows. But I've seen enough of them to know who is good and who is not.

Roach was good. Roach was amazing. I don't know if charismatic is the right word, or even magnetic; I think authentic hits close to home. I just know that the cheers from the crowd weren't pity cheers. They were cheers because he's damn good.

Behind the cheers and screams and beers and celebration, there was tension running through the crowd. This was the audience saying good-bye to Roach and Roach's way of saying good-bye to everyone. Maybe saying good-bye to himself. After he was done he said, "I just want to thank you people, we really appreciate it." Then a band member draped a towel over his shoulders, and his wife came on stage and gave him a hug. Simple.

I wonder, is it a blessing or a curse to know it's your last performance? I have nothing more. Just that tonight was definitely not an experience I expected.

Bit by bit

Nothing too creative, just some updates.

I was cast in the show I auditioned for (see previous blog): "The Rivals" - with Polarity Ensemble Theatre. I'm excited about working with this director, Laura Sturm, with whom I had a great experience in auditions. Also, I hope that it will be a good production; Polarity was voted as "Best Emerging Theatre Ensemble" by the Chicago Reader last year, and I hope that I will be working with strong, talented people.

Sent out three resumes for teaching-artist positions this week; will be hunting and sending out more as the weeks follow.

Cancelled my cable, cutting down my Comcast bill by sixty bucks. I figured that I can watch all my favorite shows online, and at Thanh's house. And at Emjoy's house, cause she's my bestie and she has a dog. I'm happy with shutting down the tube. With the surge of internet, it's pretty much useless.

Started going to the library - FINALLY they've improved their website and made it easier to hold and renew books online. I'm reading Stephen King's memoir/instructional gem "On Writing" and it's FANTASTIC for writers, AND actors as well. Many useful lessons on the importance of story and the value of cutting out the crap.

Still cold. Not as bad as two weeks ago. Fairy-tale powder snow, layered on top of old, dirty ice. I swear I saw a woolly mammoth in the snowdrift by my car the other day.

Happy Wednesday!

Anonymous Men: #1 and #2

On Saturday I got in my car to go to an audition. Apparently I had parked in a spot that was very easy to get into, however not so easy to get out of, due to ice + mushy snow combination. And front-wheel drive. So I drove my car forward - nothing. Drove it backwards, gained a little headway, then slip-sink-stop. Back and forth, I keep on going, forming plans B and C in my head. Should I grab a cab? Or call my boyfriend and have him take me? Because apparently I'm beating a dead horse with my car.

At this point in time Anonymous Man #1 walks by in a beanie and long black car-coat. He offers to push, and promptly sets his coffee cup in the snow and braces his shoulder against the front of the car. He pushes, I slowly accelerate, and nothing. We do this, with a sprinkle of verbal negotiations, for about five minutes. Enter Anonymous Man #2. Brown leather coat, striped scarf, birthday present in hand. He yells from across the street, "Yo man, you need some help?!" and then joins Anonymous Man #1, plopping the birthday present in the snow next to AM #1's coffee cup. After a few more grunts, pushes, scratching of heads and staring at ice-encrusted wheels, they form a brilliant plan that involves rocking the car. Four Anonymous Man hands push, back and forth, back and forth, building momentum until my car pops over the ice bank and onto the road. I scream "You guys are brilliant!!! Are you okay??!!!" They salute, wave, yell, "Yes! Of course!" and then disappear into the gray Chicago afternoon, one off to a party, the other off to .... plan his retirement on a caffeinated high.

This is why I love this town. I will never be stranded. Everyone always puts down what they're doing to lend a hand. Everyone helps, without fail. You have to, when you're faced with ice, snow, freezing winds, and Rod Blagojevich.

Chicago Winter is a Slow Beast

So tomorrow is going to be a high of -1. This is the forecast, cut and paste from weather.com.

"Bitterly cold. Mainly sunny. Dangerous wind chills may approach -30F. High -1F. Winds WNW at 15 to 25 mph."

At least it will be mainly sunny, as in there will be mainly deceptive sunlight filtering in through the windows. But to test said sunshine would be a bitch indeed.

Winters in Chicago, or in the midwest in general, are very slow. When you're outside for less than 10 minutes a day, and your vitamin D levels drop, your mood swings. Every day is a lifetime. At least this is how I've been feeling. Kind of blah. I find that my anxiety levels are higher in the winter, and my running commentary of worry is like mental diarrhea. Lately my mind has been on June, not only because it will bring sunshine, but also because I will be leaving my teaching position at St. Matthias. I'm going to be looking for more opportunities as a teaching-artist with theatre companies that do outreach and engagement, and to up my salary, especially after the faculty meeting in which we were informed that the Archdiocese of Chicago is freezing our salaries next year. So, on to bigger and better opportunities. Meanwhile I'm praying that a commercial or industrial will come my way.

Anyway, I worry, because transitions bring worry. But my acupuncturist, Elaine, calmed my fretting spirit. She said, "Let's make an agreement, that when you have that conversation with yourself about your career, really have that conversation. But then be done with it for the day. You know, really think about it. Be pro-active when you're thinking about it. Set aside an hour a day and spend time on it. But then be done. Cause you're not enjoying what's out there in the world."

So today I practiced compartmentalizing. At work I tried to focus on enjoying my co-workers, and being thankful for the time I have with the kids. I really love them, and they're growing so fast. And then later in the evening, I set aside an hour to pull out my resume and update it. And now I'm going to be done. And I'll be done until I edit again tomorrow, and done until I drop it in the mail. So on so forth. I can be fairly obsessive, so I'm hoping this change in thinking will help.

Anyhow. Tomorrow will come with its icy winds and red faces. Oh, and digging out my car. Thanks for the new winter gear, Mom.