Tires throw me

I haven't posted for a while, I've been rehearsing for "The Rivals" and we've finally opened. See reviews at www.petheatre.com. I'm backstage right now, typing this into my Blackjack while waiting for my next scene. Slap me on the hand or not being focused.

So I've been reading a lot of Buddhist writings lately, especially Pema Chodron's books and audio-recordings. She talks about "No Big Deal", how humans love to make everything a big deal and it throws us off-balance. Anyhow, I've been trying to put this into practice, especially since my daily schedule changes so often, when I pick up night shifts or get called into auditions the day before, etc. It really stresses me out; I'm a planner by nature, and I like to see my days laid out neatly ahead of me. However, I did not choose a career where "neat days" are part of the equation. S'okay. No Big Deal.

Maybe it's that I've had a whole week of spring vaca to de-sensitize me from stress, maybe it's because I was on my way to do a show, but this morning when I walked out to my car and saw my flat tire, I was definetly thrown. I hate technical problems. I hate not being able to solve technical problems on Sundays. I hate the $500 that this problem will cost me. So I just pointed at the tire, looked at Thanh, and started to cry.

Not like I didn't see this coming. I patched this same tire two months ago, and filled it with air yesterday when I noticed the pressure was significantly low. I live in a city notorious for potholes, and my tires are almost six years old. I saw this coming. But nonetheless, tears.

It's funny, how what throws me off balance is literally something that throws my car off-balance. But true to nature, when I encounter a problem that is not fixable right-awaytable, it drives me UP THE WALL. I don't mind fixing problems. I just don't like it when there are no band-aids at my disposal.

So this problem will be fixed. At 7:00 tomorrow morning. In the meantime, I'm going to hook myself up to my iPOD and have Pema Chodron remind me about how one learns the most about oneself when thrown a curveball. And how others feel this too. I'm guessing I'll meet these "others" at the auto-clinic bright and early. And I really hope I'm standing IN FRONT of them in line.