What can good choices in your life bring thee?

Good morning Thanksgiving. How do ye do?

In anticipation of the holiday of good-natured grovelling, I was interviewed by a local turkey (okay, not so local, he had to fly in from southern Illinois) for the turkey paper, The Wattle Weekly. I've posted an excerpt here:

Turkey Tom: Happy Thanksgiving, Tanya.

Tanya: Happy Thanksgiving, Turkey Tom.

Turkey Tom: Looking forward to the festivities?

Tanya: Yes, quite. I'm going to watch a lot of television from a reclined position and eat Boston Market take-out with my boyfriend. And I did some heavy-duty yoga yesterday so I'm ready to fill my gut and not feel too guilty about it. Are you looking forward to the festivities?

Turkey: Yes, very much so.

Tanya:....really?

Turkey: Yes. Why wouldn't I?

Tanya:.....

Turkey: Why are you looking at me like that?

Tanya:......

Turkey: Okay. Moving on. This is awkward. So, Ms. McBride, The Wattle Weekly is taking stock of goodwill and thankyees, so we wanted to know what you are thankful for.

Tanya: Oh, well, there's quite a lot. I've had a kickass year.

Turkey: Really? How so?

Tanya: Well, you know, I live in this great apartment, in this great city. I have a kitchen table, I'm very thankful for that. My plants don't die, and neither do my pets. You know, and the usual. Great family. Great friends -

Turkey: Tell me more about these friends.

Tanya: Oh. Well. I've noticed that I'm surrounded by some kickass women in my life. You know, just real quality people. And I've learned to filter out the cray-crayz. But seriously, from childhood to my life in Chicago now, I've discovered a gaggle of women who listen, and who are quirky, and funny and loyal. Women worthy of a movie being made about them. A movie called, say, I don't know, "The Women". And it's not just friends, it's the women in my family too, like my mom and my sister-in-law. They're strong people that I look up to, rocks that provide anchor for our brood. It's not everybody who can say that they actually enjoy being around their family, but I love being around my family, and the women have a lot to do with that.

Turkey: So would you like to give a "Gobble-Out" to these women?

Tanya: -wha?

Turkey: A shout-out. Would you like to give a shout-out.

Tanya: Oh. I think I just did. Didn't I?

Turkey: Yes. I guess you did.

Tanya: Is that...are those drippings running off your wing?

Turkey: Um, no. I think it's just humid in here.

Tanya: Oh. Must have been because I left the oven on.

Turkey:.....

Tanya:.....

Turkey: Okay. Anything else you're thankful for?

Tanya: Sure. I sure am damn thankful for my boyfriend.

Turkey: Ooh. Is love in the air?

Tanya: Yes. And let me clarify. By boyfriend, I not only mean the man who I am dating, but also the actions that led up to him.

Turkey: Please clarify.

Tanya: As in, I guess I should say that I'm thankful for myself.

Turkey: Ooh, that's a new angle.

Tanya: Yes, thank you. You know, I've made some really shitty choices in my life. Stupid, stupid choices. I guess because I didn't really appreciate myself, and also, when you're in your twenties you don't always realize you have choices. You feel flung into things persay. But these past couple years, I've worked really hard to make good, careful choices. I've slowed down. I've focused on the small, everyday things that make me happy. And these are the building blocks that lead you to good people. So, yes, my boyfriend is qualified for a very hearty, "I'm thankful for you," but also, I'm thankful for my choices.

Turkey: Wow, that's very empowered.

Tanya: I'd like to think so. I'm still workin' on it.

Turkey: Well, on behalf of The Wattle Weekly, Happy Thanksgiving, and thank you for your time.

Tanya: No. Thank you.

Turkey: Thank you.

Tanya: No really. Thank you.

Turkey: Yes.

Tanya:.....

Turkey:..(gulp)....okay....it's time for me to go now.

Tanya: Yes. Of course. But first, let me show you this brand-new corningware that I'm thankful for......

(This article was published posthumously as the author was found....bludgeoned and licked clean shortly after this interview was conducted. Condolences to Turkey Tom's family can be sent to The Wattle Weekly, 293 Main Street, Edwardsville, IL 60032.)