It's happening

See that picture there? That would be a poster with the name of the play that I am in...below the word, "Steppenwolf". It's happening. It's happening slowly. My career is budding, one anxious petal at a time. Enough for me to describe it with a noxiously sweet metaphor involving flowers.

I'm terrified tonight. I love this play so much I'm nauseous, much like where you're infatuated with a lover and you're afraid they're going to leave you, i.e. I'm afraid I'm going to suck. The characters I play are wildly different from one another - a French-Canadian runaway, a disenchanted teen plotting armageddon, a beer model/Ronald Reagan...wha??? When I clicked on the audition notice that said, "Needed: Asian-American Character Actress" - well, they weren't kidding. Which is also why I'm developing a deep love for Pavement Group and their ballsy aesthetic. This company lets me stand onstage with integrity, without compromising one bit of my ballsy personality.

I'm home sick tonight. I went to an audition this morning, and when I opened my mouth to slate my name for the camera, my voice didn't happen. A croak came out instead. Which made me realize how tired I am, that I've worked a 65-hour week, that maybe....I need to sleep. On a good note, the casting director recognized me, even though I've only met her once. Which means I'm on her radar. On the down-side, well, it's mortifying to lose your voice for a casting director when you want them to think well of you. So here I am, on my couch, trying to erase my memory of croaking, and focus on the upside. Hey look, there's a poster. I'm in that play. (There's also a brochure that says Steppenwolf on the front, and then when you open it, my name is inside.) happy nervous vomity dance.