New Year, New List

It's been a busy couple of weeks here in Chicago - and an especially busy day. This week I'm working with Silk Road Theatre, workshopping a new play at the Adler Planetarium. One of the things about my job that I love is that I often get to work in very unique venues, and the planetarium was an especially unique setting for the wet (cold, and sharp) blizzard that hit juuuuust about the moment when I parked under Soldier Field and had to trek the half-mile to the museum entrance. Even my super weather-resistant gloves (a souvenir from when I climbed Half-Dome)were soaked.

Anyhow, today is a special day because I fulfilled my last major resolution for 2008. That's right, at the beginning of this year I sat down and made a list (which I ironically cannot find for reference right now. It's somewhere in my office. Or my living room. Or my office.) With the help of some very important people in my life, and I mean ACTIVE help, setting weekly deadlines to accomplish goals, hashing out the why's that hide behind fear and ambivalence, and straight out pep talks from best friends, today, I accomplished my last major goal of the year. And I got an agent.

After getting new headshots and sending out packages and seizing the cycle of self-selecting, I auditioned with Gray Talent Group and they agreed to represent me. I was getting a little bit scared, because though I've gotten a lot of work in the two years that I've been in Chicago, had I headed into 2009 without an agent I would have been disappointed in myself. Agents are not an end in itself; it's the beginning of more responsibility and discipline, and greater focus. Quite frankly, there are a lot of theatre auditions I'm not aware of because I don't have an inside ear, and now I have to opportunity to audition for on-camera work as well.

Now, some of the resolutions on my list were small. Like, "take shorter naps" (I don't kid). And some resolutions were broken down into smaller goals so as to micro-manage. But I wrote it down, and this year I feel that I chose my life much more than just letting it choose me.

I did do a little "Oprah". I did a tiny vision board. On this vision board I put lists of practical things that I need: an external hard-drive, a kitchen table, brita filter, etc. There's a random picture of a small Japanese boy floating lanterns in a pond that I found inspiring, that I would like to work into a play one day. But I also put the business card of Silk Road Theatre, and now I've worked with them twice. Albeit, small projects, but it's still work. And I also put the name and address of my agent. And I reached that goal two months later. It's not magic. It's a visual reminder to help me follow through, to prevent me from getting swallowed up in the mundacities and fatigue of kid poo and bar-slinging. It's a reminder that the doors are there for me to walk through.

Type-A personality that I am, I also forget my accomplishments pretty quickly, and am the first to take myself to task. I'm not very easy on myself. So I had to sit down and think, "What have I accomplished? I've gone to grad school, I've climbed a mountain, I've done close to forty plays. I've moved across the country to a city where I knew three people and survived." I even put a picture collage of my trek up Half-Dome next to my front door so that every time I walk out of the house I think, "I climbed a freakin' mountain. This is nothin'."

The personality that I am, I'm afraid that when I wake up the next morning all my accomplishments will be taken away from me. They'll count for nothing. I'll start at zero again. And if it takes drowning my head in a pool of internal (and external) pep talks to get myself out of this mindset, so be it.

So. What's on the board for next year? How can I fill it with fantastic choices? With exciting experiences and greater goals? Or even tiny little quarky goals? Where will my heart lead my brain lead my feet? It's time to marinate.....